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+package response
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+
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+import (
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+ "fmt"
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+ "math/rand"
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+ "time"
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+)
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+
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+var quotes = struct {
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+ m map[int]string
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+}{m: map[int]string{
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+ 0: "214 Maude Lebowski: He's a good man....and thorough.",
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+ 1: "214 The Dude: I had a rough night and I hate the f***ing Eagles, man.",
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+ 2: "214 Walter Sobchak: The chinaman is not the issue here... also dude, Asian American please",
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+ 3: "214 The Dude: Walter, the chinamen who peed on my rug I can't give him a bill, so what the f**k are you talking about?",
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+ 4: "214 The Dude: Hey, I know that guy, he's a nihilist. Karl Hungus.",
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+ 5: `214-Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party; that you were drunk and abusive.
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+214 The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.`,
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+ 6: "214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny!",
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+ 7: `214-Donny: Shut the f**k up, Donny!
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny!`,
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+ 8: "214 The Dude: It really tied the room together.",
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+ 9: "214 Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?",
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+ 10: "214 The Dude: Who the f**k are the Knutsens?",
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+ 11: "214 The Dude: Yeah,well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.",
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+ 12: `214-Walter Sobchak: Am I the only one who gives a s**t about the rules?!
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Am I the only one who gives a s**t about the rules?`,
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+ 13: `214-Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
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+214-The Dude: No, you're not wrong Walter, you're just an ass-hole.
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Okay then.`,
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+ 14: `214-Private Snoop: you see what happens lebowski?
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+214-The Dude: nobody calls me lebowski, you got the wrong guy, I'm the the dude, man.
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+214-Private Snoop: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
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+214-The Dude: My wife? Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger?
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+214 Does this place look like I'm f**kin married? The toilet seat's up man!`,
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+ 15: `214-The Dude: Yeah man. it really tied the room together.
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+214-Donny: What tied the room together dude?
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+214-The Dude: My rug.
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+214-Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to the Dude's story, Donny?
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+214-Donny: I was bowling.
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+214-Walter Sobchak: So then you have no frame of reference here, Donny,
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+214 You're like a child who wonders in the middle of movie.`,
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+ 16: `214-The Dude: She probably kidnapped herself.
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+214-Donny: What do you mean dude?
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+214-The Dude: Rug Peers did not do this. look at it.
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+214-A young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he
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+214-hasn't given her enough, she owes money all over town.
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+214 Walter Sobchak: That f**kin bitch.`,
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+ 17: `214 Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!`,
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+ 18: `214-Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me.
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+214-There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
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+214-The Dude: Yeah, but Walter.
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon with nail polish.`,
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+ 19: "214 Walter Sobchak: Calmer then you are.",
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+ 20: "214 Walter Sobchak: You are entering a world of pain",
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+ 21: "214 The Dude: This aggression will not stand man.",
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+ 22: "214 The Dude: His dudeness, duder, or el dudorino",
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+ 23: "214 Walter Sobchak: Has the whole world gone crazy!",
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+ 24: "214 Walter Sobchak: Calm down your being very undude.",
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+ 25: `214-Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
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+214 Walter Sobchak: No Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.`,
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+ 26: "214 Walter Sobchak: Well, it was parked in the handicapped zone. Perhaps they towed it.",
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+ 27: `214-Private Snoop: I'm a brother shamus!
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+214 The Dude: Brother Seamus? Like an Irish monk?`,
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+ 28: "214 Walter Sobchak: Have you ever of Vietnam? You're about to enter a world of pain!",
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+ 29: `214-Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny.`,
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+ 30: "214 The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!",
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+ 31: "214 The Stranger: Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes, well, the bar eats you.",
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+ 32: "214 Walter Sobchak: Goodnight, sweet prince.",
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+ 33: "214 Jackie Treehorn: People forget the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.",
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+ 34: `214-The Big Lebowski: What makes a man? Is it doing the right thing?
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+214 The Dude: Sure, that and a pair of testicles.`,
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+ 35: "214 The Dude: At least I'm housebroken.",
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+ 36: `214-Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax.
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+214 You're goddamn right I'm living in the f**king past!`,
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+ 37: `214-The Stranger: There's just one thing, dude.
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+214-The Dude: What's that?
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+214-The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
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+214 The Dude: What the f**k you talkin' about?`,
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+ 38: `214-Walter Sobchak: I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism,
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+214 Dude, at least it's an ethos.`,
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+ 39: "214 The Dude: My only hope is that the Big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.",
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+ 40: "214 The Dude: You human paraquat!",
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+ 41: "214 The Dude: Strikes and gutters, ups and downs.",
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+ 42: "214 The Dude: Sooner or later you are going to have to face the fact that your a moron.",
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+ 43: `214-The Dude: The fixes the cable?
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+214 Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous Jerry.`,
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+ 44: "214 The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.",
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+ 45: "214 The Dude: I don't need your sympathy, I need my Johnson.",
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+ 46: "214 Donny: I am the walrus.",
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+ 47: "214 The Dude: We f**ked it up!",
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+ 48: "214 Jesus Quintana: You got that right, NO ONE f**ks with the jesus.",
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+ 49: "214 Walter Sobchak: You can say what you want about the tenets of national socialism but at least it's an ethos.",
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+ 50: `214-Walter Sobchak: f**king Germans. Nothing changes. f**king Nazis.
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+214-Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?`,
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+ 51: "214 Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.",
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+ 52: "214 Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you f**k a stranger in the ass!",
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+ 53: `214-The Dude: We dropped off the money.
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+214-The Big Lebowski: *We*!?
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+214 The Dude: *I*; the royal we.`,
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+ 54: "214 Walter Sobchak: You see what happens larry when you f**k a stranger in the ass.",
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+ 55: "214 The Dude: The Dude abides.",
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+ 56: "214 Walter Sobchak: f**k it dude, lets go bowling.",
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+ 57: "214 The Dude: I can't be worrying about that s**t. Life goes on, man.",
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+ 58: "214 Walter Sobchak: The ringer cannot look empty.",
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+ 59: `214-Malibu Police Chief: I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face,
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+214 I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you... jerk-off.`,
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+ 60: `214-Walter Sobchak: Has the whole world gone CRAZY? Am I the only one around here who gives
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+214 a s**t about the rules? You think I'm f**kin' around, MARK IT ZERO!`,
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+ 61: "214 Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?",
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+ 62: "214 The Dude: Ha hey, this is a private residence man.",
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+ 63: "214 The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.",
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+ 64: "214 Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in Nam, of course.",
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+ 65: "214 Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element!",
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+ 66: "214 The Dude: Another caucasian, Gary.",
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+ 67: `214-Bunny Lebowski: I'll s**k your c**k for a thousand dollars.
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+214-Brandt: Ah... Ha... ha... HA! Yes, we're all very fond of her.
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+214-Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though. Or it's an extra hundred.
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+214 The Dude: Okay... just give me a minute. I gotta go find a cash machine...`,
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+ 68: "214 Nihilist: Ve vont ze mawney Lebowski!",
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+ 69: "214 Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, dude.",
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+ 70: `214-The Dude: They peed on my rug, man!
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+214-Walter Sobchak: f**king Nazis.
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+214-Donny: I don't know if they were Nazis, Walter...
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+214 Walter Sobchak: Shut the f**k up, Donny. They were threatening castration!`,
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+ 71: "214 Jesus Quintana: I don't f**king care, it don't matter to Jesus.",
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+ 72: `214-The Dude: Where's my car?
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+214 Walter Sobchak: It was parked in a handicap zone, perhaps they towed it.`,
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+ 73: `214-Bunny Lebowski: Uli doesn't care about anything. He's a Nihilist!
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+214 The Dude: Ah, that must be exhausting!`,
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+ 74: "214 Walter Sobchak: Smoky this is not Nam this is Bowling there are rules.",
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+ 75: "214 Maude Lebowski: Vagina.",
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+ 76: `214-Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something pendejo. You pull any of your crazy s**t with us.
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+214-You flash your piece out on the lanes. I'll take it away from you and stick up your ass
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+214-and pull the f**king trigger 'til it goes click.
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+214-The Dude: ...Jesus
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+214 Jesus Quintana: You said it man, nobody f**ks with the Jesus.`,
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+ 77: `214-The Dude: You brought a f**king Pomeranian bowling?
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+214-Walter Sobchak: Bought it bowling? I didn't rent it shoes.
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+214 I'm not buying it a f**king beer. It's not taking your f**king turn, Dude.`,
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+ 78: "214 Walter Sobchak: Mark it as a zero.",
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+ 79: `214-The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that.
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+214 It's good knowing he's out there, the Dude, takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.`,
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+ 80: "214 Walter Sobchak: Aw, f**k it Dude. Let's go bowling.",
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+ 81: "214 Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience you miserable piece of s**t.",
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+ 82: "214 Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a f**king thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!",
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+ 83: "214 Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you f**k a stranger in the ass!",
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+}}
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+
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+// GetQuote returns a random quote from The big Lebowski
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+func GetQuote() string {
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+ rand.Seed(time.Now().UnixNano())
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+ return fmt.Sprintf("%s", quotes.m[rand.Intn(len(quotes.m))])
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+}
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Philipp Resch